In this blog post, I share why and how we started incorporating a formal lunch hour with dining etiquette practice into our homeschool. I also list the 11 Essential Table Manners I’m teaching my 6 year-old and 3 year-old.
If you’d like a free one-page table manners checklist for kids, designed to make learning etiquette simple and fun, leave a comment below!”
Why Teach Table Manners to Kids
This semester, we have incorporated formal table manners and dining etiquette at lunch time as part of our homeschool. I thought my 6-year-old already had decent table manners, but as her younger brother joined her at the table, it became clear that some rules had to be clarified and enforced. So below are my 11 essential table manners that I strictly enforce during lunch hour. My kids have really enjoyed our “formal” lunches and their table manners have started to become second nature and carry over to those meals we share when I’m not in “teacher mode”.
Some days enforcing each of these dining etiquette rules feels like a lot. And yet, I believe having good table manners is an important part of being educated. But more importantly, practicing good table manners makes eating, especially with others, a more enjoyable experience.
Where to Start
Set a beautiful table and serve a delicious meal. For us, that means clearing the kitchen table of all school materials. And for lunch, I now make more of an effort to “plate” our food and make it look aesthetically beautiful. This could mean simply trying to avoid food that’s all the same colour on the plate. Whatever looks nice and isn’t terribly fussy. It’s easier to enforce rules and practice table manners when the table is someplace you want to be.
11 Essential Table Manners for Eating Together
Listed here are just the table manners that are non-negotiables. The ones as an adult you assume everyone just already knows and follows. But kids need to actually learn and practice these rules in a safe space so that when they are out enjoying a meal with extended family or friends, they can feel empowered to present their best selves.
- Wash hands first. Even if nothing on your plate is a finger food, it’s important to have clean hands when eating, for hygiene reasons.
- Don’t start eating until Mum sits down. It’s a sign of respect to wait to start eating until the person who served you has had a chance to sit down.
- Place your napkin on your lap. Before you start eating, remove your napkin from the table and set it on your lap. This is practical – get it off the table, have it ready to catch crumbs and wipe your hands and face (not on your sleeve!)
- Don’t talk with food in your mouth. Not only is it gross to see the food in somebody else’s mouth, but this is also a good rule to avoid choking.
- Good posture. Sitting up straight at the table is important for avoiding choking as well as minimising spills and messes at the table.
- Use utensils for all food unless fingers are appropriate. This rule is important for cleanliness, hygiene (especially if someone forgot to wash her hands) and helping to avoid spills and mess at the table.
- Use polite words, especially “please” and “thank you”. Polite words are a way to show respect to everyone at the table.
- Do not complain about the food. At home, I encourage my kids to give me feedback about what they like and do not like about the food I serve them. We talk about how food tastes, how it was cooked, the texture, etc. We are working on how to communicate that they do not like something without being rude or complaining.
- No horsing around at the table. This is another purely practical rule. Horsing around can lead to spills or even choking.
- No playing with your food. Picking at food at the table or moving food around your plate with your fork and not eating it is not polite. This rule is especially important to me because (1) it’s important to respect food, especially how expensive good quality food is and (2) destroying the aesthetics of your carefully prepared and plated meal only to not eat it is disrespectful to the chef. Lastly, (3) I won’t save leftovers if they look like they have already been chewed up and spat out.
- Wait to be excused from the table. This has been one of the more difficult table manners for my kids to learn. But it became absolutely necessary to enforce because once one kid said she was done and took off from the table, the other kid – sometimes while still chewing a bite of food – would also say he was done and take off from the table, fuelled more by FOMO than a full tummy. I also make sure my kids ask to be excused from the table so I have a chance to communicate that once they get up, they are done with their meal. They cannot come back and grab “snacks” from their plate and run off again to play.
If It Seems Overwhelming
If this list seems like a lot to enforce with your very little kids, especially if you’re not in the practice of following all of these table manners at home, I suggest choosing one or two at a time and only focusing on those. For example, no talking with food in your mouth. That can be the focus of each meal time until they have mastered it. Then add another. This is called incremental stacking and it works. You can even keep track with a chart and stickers when your kids master a skill. My kids haven’t needed this kind of motivation for table manners specifically, but I’ve used this approach in other areas and it can work really well.
And do not forget to be flexible. Some families are able to have a family dinner most nights of the week and sit down together and practice dining etiquette. That doesn’t work for us. Because of my husband’s work schedule and my kids’ extracurriculars, dinner is definitely not the best time to slow down a bit and focus on mastering a new skill. So remember to be open-minded about when to incorporate the table manners you want to teach and make it work for you.
What did I miss? Are there other non-negotiable table manners you teach your kids? How do you incorporate teaching dining etiquette in your homeschool?
Keep Reading About…
Incremental stacking – I talk about this in How to be More Productive as a Homeschool Mom
Incorporating formal meals and etiquette lessons as a French Club activity
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